he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
