You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
