I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
