Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
