I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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