Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
