you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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