You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
