I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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