chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
