I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
