he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
