fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
