Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
