Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
