i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
