I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
