I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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