She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
