My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
