sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
