im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
