Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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