Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
