Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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