Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
