Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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