i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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