I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize