either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
