Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
