Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
