He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
