smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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