shes about as inviting as chlamydia
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
