I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
