I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
