Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
