Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
