he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
