if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
