5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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