my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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