We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
