If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
