your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
