New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
