I want to walk on stilts...naked
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
