I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
