Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I want to walk on stilts...naked
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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