hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Randomize
