just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize