South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
