i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
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Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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