Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
