Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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