Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
