Christians are straight up FREAKS
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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