Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
