so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
