I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize