He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
