Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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