You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
