wanna go halves on a baby?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
