It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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