When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
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Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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