I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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