You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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