i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
