Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
