Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
