I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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