things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
