So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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