i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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