one might say we're banned from that church
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
