i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
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