I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
