Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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