No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
