went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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