Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
