Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
