a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
